QUOTES & JOKES

Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you...
It's only when u leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both are pregnant!
Tragedy: When you are not responsible for both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!

Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you? To see if u really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow u have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick? Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fu***d!

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: WE STARE BECAUSE WE CARE!

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to:
Hang Till Death !

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time!!!!!

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby? Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of a standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get? Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear? Banana split.

What's the diff between a bomb and a condom?
In a bomb blast, population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.